We are all needy people, who need people!!!

Most couples grow to resent their partner's needs, instead of living to meet them.

When these needs go unmet, "CONFLICT  RESULTS!"

Men and Women are different!

Top 11 Intimacy Needs:

• ACCEPTANCE
• AFFECTION
• APPRECIATION
• APPROVAL
• ATTENTION
• COMFORT
• RESPECT
• SECURITY
• SUPPORT
• ENCOURAGEMENT
• SIGNIFICANCE

What your partner "Needs" and what you "Need" may be two completely different things!

We diminish our ability to have a strong marital relationship when we minimize the needs of our partner.

We often fail to meet our partner's needs, when we assume what we need is what they need and it results in "Unnecessary Conflict."

OUR EFFORTS or GETTING OUR NEEDS MET?

God designed man with needs that could only be met in the context of marriage and family.

God made man with needs that even He wouldn't meet.

The first place God intended for our needs to be met were from our parents.

How effectively these needs were met by your parents will often forecast how you approach marriage.

• The basic need of a husband is to be respected.
• The basic need of a wife is to be loved.

Ephesians 5:33 - However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].

How you respond to your needs will determine the health of your marriage.

3 Unhealthy Ways of Responding to Our Needs:

1. Selfish - I'm needy, therefore you better meet my needs or I'll manipulate or control you.

• This person usually is very demanding and rigid.
• They usually blame all of their failures and faults on other people.
• This person will typically try to mold everyone in their image

They are typically the dominant one in a relationship and live in the assumption that they are always in the right.

They cannot focus on any needs other than their own.

2. Self Reliant - I don't need you or anyone

• This person is typically task driven and tends toward perfectionism and being a workaholic.
• If they include others, it will be only to do unimportant tasks.
• This person limits friendships and relationships to generally a superficial level.
• What is "right" and "wrong" will move beyond reason.

Unless you are raising your children to be a "curator" of a museum, don't treat your house like one!

Unhealthy Order becomes the wall they hide behind that eventually becomes a prison for the person, as well as everyone in a relationship with such a person.

3. Self Condemnation - I'm no good, therefore no one can meet my needs.

• This person operates from the assumption that they aren't as good as others.
• They impose this distortion on everyone they associate with.
• They withhold themselves from participating in things they have a heart for.
• They live in constant fear of rejection.

When we justify these responses, we are in essence saying, "I have earned the right to be this way because of what others have done to me or haven't done to me."

Our first responsibility is to respond to our needs in a healthy manner, and then and only then are we in a position to consistently meet our partner's needs.

When we discover and meet the needs of our partner, we will create a climate of health and peace in our homes!